I’m afraid to fail.
I’m going to be perfectly honest with you. Failing is one of my many fears.
I’m afraid to fail in school, sports, writing, life. I’m afraid to fail at eating the rest of my vegetable soup which doesn’t taste very good.
But out of all the things that I’m afraid to fail, I’m scared the most of failing at making decisions. Even though I have time left before I head off to college, now is the best time to decide what you want to major in. If you know what you want to be, then you will enroll in classes that will build up your strengths in that particular area; you’ll be prepared.
What if you don’t know? Chances are you’ll be swamped before you even get accepted into college. You won’t have the prerequisites, you won’t have the faintest idea what to go for.
Right now, especially these last few months, I’ve been stressing about what I want to major in, what college I want to go to, how on earth I am going to get a high enough score on the SAT to receive scholarships, etc.
I’m actually going to tell you a little extra something about myself
(prepared to be amazed!): I would love to be a journalist.
There. Now you all can stalk me or whatever.
I was excited about my career choice until I looked up the average salary of a journalist and how unstable the salary is.
Just like that, my career smashed around my feet like so many pieces of glass.
Even know, I’m doubting if it’s a good choice as I’m writing this.
(I’m also doubting why on earth I’m telling you guys this….?) But, if you think about it, I love blogging, I love writing, I love people so interviewing shouldn’t be a problem, and I love chocolate. Journalism is the perfect job for me. So why am I hesitant?
For so long, the world has pressed into everyone’s brains that succeeding and making big bucks is more important than enjoying what you do. It doesn’t matter if you’re miserable, or stressed, or turning gray at the age of 23. The only thing that matters is if you’re racking in the dollars and you drive a car that’s shiny.
Is there something wrong with this philosophy?
Personally, I’d rather die than do something I hate for the rest of my life. What’s the point of getting a well-paying job if you’re miserable? Money isn’t going to somehow sweeten the work so that you get excited about it. No. Money only makes it bearable, bearable to where you stand in front of the mirror each morning and draw huge dollar signs in permanent marker over your reflection. That’s what money accomplishes.
Now, I would absolutely love to have a high-paying job that I enjoy. That’s everyone’s dream, right? And I’m going to do the best I can to find a job that I would enjoy; a job that has a steady salary and provides enough money so I can live comfortably. But with the things I’m good at and I enjoy, there aren’t a lot of options.
So, do I give up doing what I love for misery and money? No, I don’t think so.
(There’s actually a point to this post, so hang in there.)
What I’m trying to say is that while I’m afraid of deciding for a job that won’t support me, I’m also afraid of choosing something that I’ll hate.
I’m more afraid of the latter.
So even while I’m afraid of failing at deciding, my fear shouldn’t change what I love and what I want to do. When you decide something, it affects people, yourself included. Don’t let your fear of failing dictate your decisions. Don’t let what the world says dictate your decisions.
I’ve done that long enough. I’ve been so afraid of deciding wrong, that I’ve never actually looked forward to deciding right.
Maybe it’s time to change that, maybe it’s time to stop being so afraid, and start being excited.
I know I’m not the only person who goes through similar anxiety attacks, so I hope that this post encouraged anyone out there who was thinking that they were the only people who were stressing about a job and fearing failure. Everyone does, but some people are better at hiding it than others.
I kinda just have a spasm attack and groan and moan really loud. It’s pretty obvious.
I was just all over the place, wasn’t I? But to sum this post up: Even if you’re afraid to make the wrong decision or failing at making a decision at all, don’t let it dictate what you choose, and what you want to do. No matter what the rest of the world says, money isn’t everything. In terms of a career choice, do something you want to do, do something you enjoy. Make sure it’ll support you, but it doesn’t matter if you can’t afford the new Tesla model, or a Mercedes. If a car works, who cares? This goes for everything. Do what you love to do.
I’m always going to be afraid of making decisions. That’s just the kind of person I am. If I make the wrong decision, it could ruin a whole year/life for me. But I can’t let that conquer me.
You can’t let it conquer you.