Failing to Decide…?


I’m afraid to fail.

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you. Failing is one of my many fears.

I’m afraid to fail in school, sports, writing, life. I’m afraid to fail at eating the rest of my vegetable soup which doesn’t taste very good.

But out of all the things that I’m afraid to fail, I’m scared the most of failing at making decisions. Even though I have time left before I head off to college, now is the best time to decide what you want to major in. If you know what you want to be, then you will enroll in classes that will build up your strengths in that particular area; you’ll be prepared.

What if you don’t know? Chances are you’ll be swamped before you even get accepted into college. You won’t have the prerequisites, you won’t have the faintest idea what to go for.

Right now, especially these last few months, I’ve been stressing about what I want to major in, what college I want to go to, how on earth I am going to get a high enough score on the SAT to receive scholarships, etc.

I’m actually going to tell you a little extra something about myself (prepared to be amazed!): I would love to be a journalist.

There. Now you all can stalk me or whatever.

I was excited about my career choice until I looked up the average salary of a journalist and how unstable the salary is.

Just like that, my career smashed around my feet like so many pieces of glass.

Even know, I’m doubting if it’s a good choice as I’m writing this. (I’m also doubting why on earth I’m telling you guys this….?) But, if you think about it, I love blogging, I love writing, I love people so interviewing shouldn’t be a problem, and I love chocolate. Journalism is the perfect job for me. So why am I hesitant?

For so long, the world has pressed into everyone’s brains that succeeding and making big bucks is more important than enjoying what you do. It doesn’t matter if you’re miserable, or stressed, or turning gray at the age of 23. The only thing that matters is if you’re racking in the dollars and you drive a car that’s shiny.

Is there something wrong with this philosophy?

Personally, I’d rather die than do something I hate for the rest of my life. What’s the point of getting a well-paying job if you’re miserable? Money isn’t going to somehow sweeten the work so that you get excited about it. No. Money only makes it bearable, bearable to where you stand in front of the mirror each morning and draw huge dollar signs in permanent marker over your reflection. That’s what money accomplishes.

Now, I would absolutely love to have a high-paying job that I enjoy. That’s everyone’s dream, right? And I’m going to do the best I can to find a job that I would enjoy; a job that has a steady salary and provides enough money so I can live comfortably. But with the things I’m good at and I enjoy, there aren’t a lot of options.

So, do I give up doing what I love for misery and money? No, I don’t think so.

(There’s actually a point to this post, so hang in there.)

What I’m trying to say is that while I’m afraid of deciding for a job that won’t support me, I’m also afraid of choosing something that I’ll hate.

I’m more afraid of the latter.

So even while I’m afraid of failing at deciding, my fear shouldn’t change what I love and what I want to do. When you decide something, it affects people, yourself included. Don’t let your fear of failing dictate your decisions. Don’t let what the world says dictate your decisions.

I’ve done that long enough. I’ve been so afraid of deciding wrong, that I’ve never actually looked forward to deciding right.

Maybe it’s time to change that, maybe it’s time to stop being so afraid, and start being excited.

I know I’m not the only person who goes through similar anxiety attacks, so I hope that this post encouraged anyone out there who was thinking that they were the only people who were stressing about a job and fearing failure. Everyone does, but some people are better at hiding it than others.

I kinda just have a spasm attack and groan and moan really loud. It’s pretty obvious. 

ANYWAY!

I was just all over the place, wasn’t I? But to sum this post up: Even if you’re afraid to make the wrong decision or failing at making a decision at all, don’t let it dictate what you choose, and what you want to do. No matter what the rest of the world says, money isn’t everything. In terms of a career choice, do something you want to do, do something you enjoy. Make sure it’ll support you, but it doesn’t matter if you can’t afford the new Tesla model, or a Mercedes. If a car works, who cares? This goes for everything. Do what you love to do.

I’m always going to be afraid of making decisions. That’s just the kind of person I am. If I make the wrong decision, it could ruin a whole year/life for me. But I can’t let that conquer me.

You can’t let it conquer you.

-monkeyeverything-

jordan-whitfield-112404

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20 thoughts on “Failing to Decide…?

  1. This is a very good post and I am very glad to know I am not the only person out there who is afraid of failure, whether it be in my school work or my social interactions. Thanks for the inspiration! You’ll probably be a great journalist 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve struggled with a lot of feelings just like this, so thank you for the encouragement! I’m basically dealing with the same dilemma and it’s really good to know I’m not alone.
    And hey, one thing that always calms me down is that if we’re striving to glorify God, then no matter what decisions we make, none of them are going to be ‘that decision that permanently ruined my life’, no matter what career we end up with. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t tell you how much this comment encouraged me!!! I try an keep a mindset like that, and it helps so much. It’s so encouraging to hear about other people who go through the same things!! Thanks so much for your kind words ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, yes, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS YES.

    I am currently in a very similar boat as you. I’m a senior. I’m going to be graduating.

    And I am not going to college.

    *sirens explode in the distance*

    *people screaming*

    *wind starts howling and picks up a stray cow*

    Okay, so before anyone shoots a bullet through my brain and tells me I need to go to college, I have a PERFECTLY (slightly) good reason for this decision: I want to be a writer (meaning I want to write books and create characters that are my new friends and pull my hair out and all that jazz), and personally, I don’t think college is going to help me be an author. I mean, they could probably help me out with plotting and character development and all that, but can’t I just find all that information for myself in writing-craft books? Can’t I just hack my own way through the world like the jungle explorer that I am?

    I think that I can…

    But suffice to say that I REALLY loved this post, because I have thought it over a million times, and I would much rather do something that I love than make tons of money. And honestly, some of the junkier cars are the ones with the most personality, so I’m good with a beater, haha!

    Liked by 2 people

    • OH MY GOSH!!! THAT’S SO COOL!!!! Keep me in mind when you become a world-famous author XD XD And the thing is, I think college is a really great thing, but it’s not REQUIRED…. and sometimes it’s overrated. You don’t HAVE to go to college and if you’re choosing a career where going to college isn’t going to affect it significantly, than there really isn’t much of a reason to do it. So GO YOU!! Rock on for making that decision!! I wish you lots of luck !!! ❤ ❤
      I'm And I agree with you that older/junkier cars seem to have more history and character. I wouldn’t want a car that I’d be super afraid to scratch up LOL
      so happy you liked this post!! Thanks for reading 😉 ❤

      Like

      • Bahahahaha! I am definitely not going to ever be a world-famous author, however, shall it ever come to the point where I reach J.K. Rowling status, I shall definitely squeal to the world about all of your hilarious wonderfulness, haha!

        Aww! Thank you! I’m just hoping I don’t become a giant heap of writerly failure, but honestly, I’d rather go down doing something that I love (and eventually have to try something else) than never try what I love to do and never discover how much potential I have in that field.

        Oh!! And I nearly forgot, there was a time (about a month ago, I think) when I was seriously thinking about potentially becoming a journalist, because I thought it sounded AWESOME! Still do, actually. It would definitely be my second choice! I think journalism is awesome, and I am SO excited for you! I hope everything works out splendidly!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hey, I believe in you!! Aw, why thank you. I’ll come and wave with you on the red carpet or something. *makes a toast with a coffee mug*
          You’re gonna be awesome, really. You ahve the type of personality that really comes through your writing and IS SO AMAZING AND AWESOME!!!! Yesssss I know. I really wanna try something I enjoy instead of always thinking, “I wish I would have tried” and then living with regret forever and then DYING A SAD AND LONELY LIFE…. Haha no but I’m sure you’re going to be an AMAZING author and I’ll be looking for your book on the best seller’s list.
          Reaaaally?!!!! COooooool. Maybe we should be journalists together and cover hilariously inaccurate stories XD haha I’m really excited to and THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!! If I need anything from a writer for a story, I’m comin’ to you LOL ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          • Oh my word, that would be totally awesome, bahahahaha!!

            And oh my goodness! That is literally the sweetest thing EVER!!! You totally just made my day!!! Awww!!!! Thank you SO much!!!

            And honestly, you’re blog is one of my absolute FAVORITES, so I cannot wait to see what you can do in the world of journalism!

            Oh yes! We would be the best journalism team on the planet!!! It’d be fantastic, bahahahahaha!!!

            Awww!!!! Same! If I ever need info on journalism (and actually, I’m already thinking about doing a story from the perspective of a journalist, I am most DEFINITELY coming to you!! 😀

            Liked by 1 person

  4. I find your thoughts very interesting! 😀 I’ve never had the fear of failure, but I know that it affects a lot of people. And your message was awesome at the end! You’re going to do great, just hang in there. Even if you do fall and fail, God will be right there to pick you back up and your friends and family there to encourage you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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